The
past thirteen years have been nothing but chaos and disorganization for single
parent, Mardi Miller. At first glance, you wouldn’t be able to tell she is
raising two teenage girls by herself. Standing at 5’1, she doesn’t seem capable
of such a challenging task. When she smiles, her grin exposes her white teeth.
The crinkles around her eyes are hidden underneath her brown bangs. Her dark
skin gives the appearance that we are in Florida, not in the middle of a
Minnesota winter. She is speak softly and carefully, as if she is trying not to
offend anyone, (we all know how moody teenagers are). She seems as though she
has life figured out. Boy was I wrong.
“I
wish people recognized the difficulty,” she exclaims as she reflects on being a
single mom for over a decade. Despite the challenges, Mardi Miller has managed
to overcome many obstacles; job transfers, family deaths, economic issues,
college planning, girl drama, custody battles, legal agreements; you know,
typical suburban problems. She is modest in the way she handles these
situations under stress, and there have been stressful times in the past. “I am
surprised that I am able to maintain a house by myself,” she says, as we sit in
her middle class house, in the cozy town of Chanhassen. Her house sits three
stories high, brown bricks hold the structure that brings comforts to Mardi and
her family. This house may just appear to be just that, but to Mardi, it’s a
symbol. It shows her that she doesn’t need a husband to help her. She can
maintain this lifestyle by herself. She wears the house like a ribbon won at a
fair, proud of what it represents: her hard work, determination, triumph,
success, challenges and hardships. Not only does she provide for her girls by
giving them somewhere to call home, she takes them on vacations every year. “I
have tried to make good memories for my children, make things fun.” To many, a
middle class home and family vacations do not seem like much. But, when it is
done on a single salary, it is a boastful accomplishment. “I feel lucky I am
able to provide for them.”
All
of this is done with the money she makes working at State Farm. She has worked
with the company for the past twenty-nine years, and has endured a roller
coaster of a time. She was first introduced to the job right out of college, in
1988. Her father was an agent, which sparked her interest in the company. Throughout
these years, she has been through promotions, relocations and demotions-when
she got a new boss two years ago. Since then, her job has become more
challenging and less desirable, still she preservers for her children. Luckily,
she hasn’t had to work more than one job, however she is considering starting a
part time job to earn a little extra cash.
Not
only is she the parent to two girls, she is also the caregiver of her elderly
mother. As if life wasn’t complicated enough, Mardi handles every aspect of her
90-year-old mother’s life. She pays her bills, manages her lifestyle within the
assisted living facility where she is a resident, schedules appointment, handles
her bank account, and recently did her taxes. Last year, Mardi dedicated 2
months of her summer to selling her mom’s house. This entailed going through
old files, deciding what was worth saving, coordinating a garage sale, setting
up donations, finding a fitting family for the house, etc. In larger families
(Mardi is the youngest of four children), usually there is an unspoken balance
between the siblings when it comes to taking care of the woman who raised them.
Not in this case, Mardi handles it all on her own. Situations like these are
just another part of life that Mardi deals with. She has sacrificed a lot over
the years in an attempt to give her children a better life. “My children are my
life.”
Making
the choice of becoming a single parent was not a walk in the park. Mardi knew
this, and despite what others told her, she went through with her divorce. “My
mom drilled into my head that divorce was not an option. But I would rather
have my kids grow up in a stable home instead of one where there is constant
tension.” Despite other family members telling her “happiness comes last”, she
made the decision to raise her two daughters on her own. Throughout the years, her
family has come to accept the fact that she did the right thing for her little
family. She doesn’t regret it. One reason for the divorce was her ex-husband’s
priorities, he put his friends’ first, family last. He also had a terrible
temper, which meant there was a lot of tension and unease between the couple.
Mardi ended up taking care of three people, and that became too much. She knew ending
the marriage was the right decision the first night of living without her
husband. “I finally got away from the stress. I could breathe again.”
The
female trio have formed a strong bond over the years. In 2009, they added
another girl to the mix, Lucy, a black lab. Mardi says she really enjoys the
company of “Lucy Lu”, even if she can’t talk. She finds comfort in the company
and safety of her lazy lab. She looks forward to the future, when both her children
will be in college, and it will be just her and the dog. She plans on living in
a smaller house, and taking up hobbies, such as landscaping. In the summer, Mardi embarks on numerous trips
to Home Depot. She likes to spend time outside, rearranging new flowers,
trimming a big oak tree in her front yard. Her current project is improving her
front and back yard for her eldest daughter’s graduation party (which is not
until June 2017). In June 2021, when her youngest daughter will graduate high
school, parenting will finally be easier, and Mardi will be able to focus on
herself.
Mardi
Miller put her life on hold so her children could have a normal childhood. Their
definition of normal is different from most, they didn’t have the close
connection with a father and were not able to experience what other kids had.
Nevertheless, she has managed to raise kind, respectable and responsible girls.
She stopped living so her kids could. When asked why she sacrificed so much,
she simply said, “Kids come first.”
When
I hear “single mom”, I am not bound to the stereotypical conclusion of a woman
raising kids in a small apartment, in the city. Working multiple jobs to barely
provide for her family. I think of Mardi, and the life she created for her
children. Her journey has not always been smooth sailing. She thinks back to
2010 when her sister died of cancer. Not only did Mardi need to put on a brave
face for her family, she needed to be strong for herself. Mardi had to continue
on with her daily routine: wake up, feed the kids, drop them off at a
before-school-program, jet to work downtown, put in a full 8 hour day, pick her
girls up from after-school-care, make dinner, help with homework, get them to
their activities and make sure everyone goes to bed at a decent time- since
this whole process repeats every day. All of this was done without the help of
her ex-husband, and with the strain of losing her sister. Many of us have had
our fair share of ‘bad days’, but Mardi takes the cake. Her strain of bad days
lasted about 730 days. When prompted with how she managed to make it through
this difficult time, she kept her answer simple, “being a mom is a full time
job, and I know my kids need me.”
It
is truly remarkable what Miller has overcome in the past thirteen years. In my
opinion, her difficulties have only made her stronger. They made her into the
caring woman she is today. She puts up through the toughest of times and keeps
a smile on her face. She had stopped living so her kids could and she is living
proof that you can do it on your own. She is an inspiration. She is
one-of-a-kind. She is my mom.
Works
Cited
Miller,
Mardi. “Single Mom Mardi Miller.” Personal interview. 3 Feb. 2017.
